i_love_turon

Laban Sa Prosopagnosia

Note: Ilia, pinost ko 'yung sabi mo.

Inabangan ko

at hinuli, at itinabi

ang bawat salita

na pumakawala

sa iyong bibig

para kung sakaling

malimutan mo na lahat

at hindi mo naman maiisip

ang mga luha nang mawala ka,

ang mga dasal na 'di mo narinig,

ang tulang hindi mo nalaman

na para pala sa 'yo

- kapag nakalimutan mo na ako -

babalikan ko na lang

ang mga itinabing salita

at magbabakasali

na sa mga pantig,

sa mga tuldok,

sa mga kuwit,

sa mga patlang at hinga,

may mahahanap akong

bakas ng pag-ibig mo

upang kahit nakalimutan mo na

may alaala pa ring matitira

ng minsang ako'y tanda mo pa.

NEWS FLASH: Villanueva and Yeoh Brings Long-Running Rivalry From UAAP to PBA to Araneta Parking; Eala Hands Out Verdict

I caught this bit of news before i logged in to the Internet. A few minutes after deciding that this would make a really good title for an entry, it struck me just how fitting it is to include such bit in this entry. Less than a handful would realize this of course.

Seems like Villanueva and Yeoh hadn't really shaken off all that good ol' Ateneo-La Salle rivalry back in college, that they have to take on each other at the Araneta parking one time after a game (or so i heard). Commisioner(?) Eala(?) has declared their fine at, was it 40,000 each?! I'm not so sure. Sorry PBA loyalists for confusing my info. I sure would feel like someone was bad-mouthing Sex and City if he would confuse Miranda Hobbes with Carrie Bradshaw.

How did I happen to hear this bit on a Thursday afternoon? Classes were suspended last night due to an approaching typhoon, whose probable onslaught to LB and Manila would supposedly match the recently concluded Milenyo. So I'm back in Pasig early this week, to be once again acquainted with such technology as the radio and the television.

A while ago, I was lying on my tummy on the bed, thinking, when i heard Aileen talking with their labandera. Then there were the neighbor's love birds conversing in screeches and tricycles roaring by, one at a time. In between tricycles, there would be the wind, announcing the oncoming typhoon. And I thought, how could the world go on so... normally?

We all have heard it before - broken-hearted people wondering how on earth could the world go on in such a normal fashion. Sadly, that's one fact of life: No death, no failure - not even the terrorist-bombing of the World Trade Center years ago - could stop the world from doing its normal spin. Only God could. It's not the world's way of mocking every failed or pained being. It's just the way things are.

The past couple of days had me thinking of this one thing most of the time. Those moments not covered by "most of the time", I was recalling what a friend of mine believed as the absolute cure for any problem: death. Or terminal illness. I laughed like crazy when he said that. It wasn't at all foolishness, to have that kind of thinking, though the idea is far from being Christian-ly. I don't find it foolish not because I agree with that kind of view - because I don't - but because I happen to think that he's not alone in thinking that. I think, at one point in a person's life, he'd find death or terminal illness - the latter, more especially - as THE answer to any problem. Romanticized and clicheic? Of course.

Unlike conventional thought though, I don't think it's because death and terminal illness provide easy escape, though they do. It's because, among other things, death and terminal illness speed up the process of forgiving, compels the granting of grace, inspires the act of forgetting the ugly and reliving only the beautiful.

I don't think I had ever been in love, but even if i had, this has little to do with that.Before this week, the nearest I had gotten to the feeling of no tomorrow or of not being able to get back to normalcy characteristic of the broken-hearted is the inability to imagine that I would actually be able to live through a day of exams and paper deadlines to see the morning of the next day - the inability to imagine that life continues after the hell week. Now, well... I might as well have fallen in love - and been crushed by it.

When you wake up with the same thought that has put you to sleep the past night greeting you, way before your roommate does, when the same thought accompanies you everywhere and constantly calls your attention to its presence, you would wonder just what is the point of trying to ignore it and going on with the regularities of life. And soon, you would begin to question just how the rest of the world could go on?

I have no idea either. What I do know is that, if I happen to wake up tomorrow to find out that the Grinch has stolen my brain - or even if just my memory - instead of Christmas, he'd be doing me a special favor (and the whole world would then be indebted to me).

I used to imagine walking in our street, and half-way to our house, I'd be dropping my backpack to the ground purposefully. The people would call out to me, calling my attention to the bag I dropped, but I would keep my back to them. I would continue walking. Past the basketball court, past my cousin's house, past two sari-sari stores. Past our apartment. Past everything familiar, to get to the end where I could slip into these slippers that would let me assume a blank-canvass self. Because as much as I'd like to believe the adage that "nothing lasts forver", even if I've proven for almost 4 years or exactly 7 semesters that a sem break always follows every college hell week, I just can't imagine normalcy being possible.

Maybe that's just it - it's simply not up to me this time. Maybe, there is hope after all.

On Pacquiao, let me just say

Only a few people were still lingering inside the worship hall when the announcement was made. The usual chikahan after the 12 noon service was interrupte by a voice heavy with news. A hush settled so abruptly I thought everyone was anticipating a plane crash or something. I could imagine some matron stopping in mid-sentence and mid-fanning to angle her ear towards the voice. Then the announcement, and it went something like--

"The fight has been stopped at round 3, in favor of... MANNY PACQIUAO! Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!"

The people cheered. If there were any CCF-ers who dared bet for Morales, i didn't notice them.

I texted my brother right away to tell him that I'd be sending his P10 load - his winnings - in a while. Yes, I dared to bet against my fellow Filipino, which backfired. You won't see me crying though, and not because at stake was only P10!

Before the match began, i was ranting about how Manny Pacquiao probably spent half the time that he should have spent training doing something else - posing in front of the camera, that is! I wouldn't be exaggerating when I say that he's become an omnipresence in Filipinos' lives! From vinegar to fried chicken, he's been with them all! And just when the Sam Milby era was finally ending.

My brother (love u!) kindly brought me back to earth by asking, "Just how exactly do we know that Morales isn't doing the same thing? After all, he is in Mexico..." Why condemn Pacquiao for doing something that every boxer around the globe could be doing or must have done at some point in his life? (And I remember George Foreman selling grills during his after-glory years.)

Okay. Point taken. I still betted against Pacquiao though. Not to spite him of course, for how could I, when he doesn't even know there's a banana-obsessed Anna betting against him?! I betted for Morales out of pure logic: Who's got more to lose in the match? People were saying a Pacquiao victory would seal the lid on Morales's glorious days. I went with the one who couldn't afford to lose - and lost.

I don't mind though. Eve if it was almost natural that Morales should shine during the match and win, at the last minute, I still joined the rest (or the majority) of the Filipino nation in the fervent prayer for a Pacquiao win.

At one point, it occured to me that to pray for such is suicidal - that would almost spell victory in the elections for Pacquiao. Yes, I'm well aware that his running for local office may just very well be a rumor. But if Korina Sanchez bothered to raise that detail during the pre-match show, I guess it's not entirely futile to speculate about such a possibility. Besides, a boxer who has ventured out of the boxing ring into showbiz is just a step away from joining the Philippine carnival called politics. Need i cite names?

So why did I do it? Why did I hope for such a thing?

It's like what Boo Chan wrote in his Philippine Star column about the supposed strengthening of the Philppine currency against the dollar. Malacanang, with an economist seated on the throne of presidency, knows very well the real deal with the peso. But it keeps on playing up "good news" about it's continuous gains against the dollar to counter the bad publicity piling up against the current administration. For lack of better or good news that is. The same principle applies to the Pacquiao-Morales match. I wanted Pacquiao to win because Filipinos are in desperate need of some good news in their lives. The elections could worry about itself. After all, it has always been the case in this country that winners are already determined way before votes have been counted -or even casted. (That won't stop me from voting this coing elections though.)

Who's Howling? Not me!

The moon's full tonight, and for once in a long time, it didn't find me howling. it found me smiling instead.

I have this full moon theory, a theory which i share with Kuya Noki (Hi Kuya!) and with 3 different groups of people: 1) those who believe that the full moon also causes for some people to grow a mane and fangs; 2) those who believe that the full moon is a cause for celebration; and 3) those who believe that the full moon causes for the hormones of some to go plummeting or rocketing whichever way. hehe. that would mean the superstitious, the sinister and the scientific. i'm with the third crowd.

some people would not condone (this is my word for the day! i was thinking a while ago, "Why am I suddenly condoning blogging?" to which i would answer, "Because it would actually boost the literacy of the country! --- More on this on the next entry.) such a belief, especially coming from a Christian. but then i would think, What happens to creation all coming from the same God, and things being connected to everything else?!

we are 70% h20, so like the moon's gravitational pull causes tides, so does it cause a tide of hormonal imbalance in us. Waves and waves of crazy emotions struggling to surface. as a result, we go looney, we go crazy. suddenly, a heated argument over the remote control would lead to a break-up. and Sinatra over the radio wouldn't sound so old and cheesy. suddenly, tears would threaten in the middle of a PInoy soap with Sam Milby in it (Figures how much i love Sam Milby - I don't.) and for those like me, tempers which temperature couldn't keep up with rise.

but tonight, on this clear, moonlit night, i'm not howling. i don't want to suppose that i have found the formula to keep my temper and emotions in check even during full moon (or before a period), because i haven't. i don't know if it's because after long time, ma wanted to dine out again in the old-fashioned spirit of family Sunday dinners. except we had lunch and it was just the two of us with aileen (our landlady's kid whom i've been teaching kunday-kunday these past 2 days, and who's making me think ma wants an apo already!). or i don't know if it was because ma, with aileen, decided to go to Sunday service a while ago, without letting me know at first (i was seated on the balcony already, they stayed downstairs. but i'm trying not to get too excited... or TOO hopeful). or i don't if it was because of the 15-year-old girl who gave her testimony in church a while ago about giving up her dream of becoming valedictorian in exchange for pursuing bible studies with her classmates (which was a no-no in her sectarian high school). finally, maybe it's the fact that i'm just enjoying so much the latest lesson God's trying to make me learn, even if oh-so- g-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y: how to love, really.

love. perfect with the full moon.